Couples Counseling
Are You Struggling To Connect and Communicate With Your Partner?
Do you feel that your relationship is eroding? As you cycle through arguments and avoidance, are you confused about what’s driven this wedge between you? Or, are you and your partner struggling to figure out how to survive infidelity and betrayal?
You and your partner may have entered your relationship with enthusiasm and beautiful dreams of building a life together. However, now that you’re facing unforeseen conflicts, both of you may feel confused and overwhelmed, questioning whether you will separate or stay together.
Throughout the day, you or your partner may feel anger, resentment or frightened. Maybe you can’t remember the last time you laughed together or even had an honest, loving conversation. Now, you might spend your time navigating increasingly intense verbal arguments or suffering through the aftermath of infidelities.
If your partner has broken your trust, you might be experiencing betrayal trauma symptoms, including intense sadness, racing worries and intrusive thoughts about what happened. Maybe you’re also remembering old heartaches, including those you endured long before you met your partner. Despite your deep desire for love and connection, maybe you’ve always struggled to fully trust that your relationship could last, and now it seems that all your fears have come true.
Are you longing for a way to heal this hurt and move forward? Do you wish you and your partner could reconnect and rebuild a resilient, loving bond?
It's Very Common To Face Challenges In A Relationship
A relationship involves two complex, ever-changing people trying to balance their unique thoughts, feelings, hopes and memories. No wonder it’s hard! All couples struggle sometimes, and no one starts a partnership with an instruction manual.
As is true for everyone, your earliest relationships served as a model for your relationships throughout your life. However, like most people, you likely weren’t surrounded by models of healthy communication and emotional safety.
You may have also gone through deeply distressing or traumatic experiences that shattered your worldview, making it even more difficult to trust others—or even trust yourself. Without treatment, the aftermath of an assault, abuse or any exposure to violence and danger can impact your relationships for a long time.
Many people struggle with something called attachment trauma, which is caused by early experience of abuse and neglect. Even if your parents did their best to be there for you, if you often felt abandoned, unsafe or unstable due to their busy work schedules, divorces and breakups, struggles with mental illness or anything else, you might still find it difficult to feel cherished, secure and balanced in your relationships today. You may also find it difficult to open up about challenging emotions or offer space when your partner needs time on their own.
Your partner might be struggling with trauma of their own, whether they’ve talked about it or not. As a result, even a seemingly small, simple conversation—for example, who’s washing the dishes or heading to bed first—can bring up buried fears and trigger unhelpful patterns of interaction.
Within a relationship, a betrayal can also be a kind of trauma. In fact, it’s common to experience PTSD symptoms after infidelity, from flashbacks and nightmares to an overwhelming feeling of powerlessness. This is especially true for people who already have a history of trauma.
Thankfully, no matter what you and your partner are dealing with, there is hope for you and your partner to learn and grow together. By working with an experienced therapist who specializes in attachment trauma and healing from betrayal, you can rebuild and nurture a stronger, more loving bond.
Rebuild And Fortify Your Relationship With Marriage Counseling
During your first session, you, your partner and I will work to gain an understanding of your struggles and your potential areas for improvement. We will discuss the experiences that have shaped you and how these experiences influence your current interactions.
In the following sessions, I will coach you both to learn new ways to hear your partner and to validate each other’s needs. Both of you will have the opportunity to identify new ways to respond to one other without triggering anger and disappointment.
And, our work will go beyond resolving current conflict and improving communication skills. I use a highly effective approach called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). This approach involves working together to identify how you both have brought patterns of behaviors from your family upbringing into your current relationship.
Once you and your partner acknowledge the influences of your childhood experiences, I will show you how to form new patterns, as well as build upon the positive communication that you already engage in. Throughout couples counseling, both of you need to be willing to move toward embracing your individual triggers and responses in order to improve the trust, intimacy and compassion in your relationship. Then, you can get under surface-level conflict and build a strong foundation of empathy, trust and understanding.
Even if you feel discouraged and frightened that your relationship is ending, it is very common for couples to rediscover their bond and learn a new love language with each other. No matter the severity of your relationship concerns, you and your partner can fortify your bond and confidently move forward with more trust and love for each other.
You and your partner may be interested in couples therapy, but still have a few questions and concerns…
I'm worried our relationship is irreparable. Will counseling be worth the time, money and energy?
Counseling is an investment in your relationship and in your desire to feel fulfilled, happy and secure with the one you love. Our sessions will show you how to identify the love that initially brought you both together and help you understand what you are both seeking out of your relationship.
I can teach you how to strengthen a relationship from the inside out, offering ways to communicate your needs without assuming your partner has all the answers. Once you and your partner learn positive ways to communicate with one another, you can break free of destructive patterns and rebuild the trust, joy and love in your relationship.
I don’t want you or my partner to try to change me.
It is not uncommon for couples to come into therapy sessions in hopes that the therapist will change their significant others’ behaviors. This is not therapeutic.
It is equally important for both partners to learn how to listen and understand how their reactions emotionally impact each other. This does not include placing blame on either person, even if you are here for affair recovery. Instead, this is the beginning point, a safe place for you both to learn to be open and willing to explore yourselves in your relationship.
Will you take sides?
As an experienced therapist, I do not take sides. It is of the utmost importance that I keep a neutral position for you and your partner to build a trusting relationship. When you and your partner leave sessions, both of you should know that you were heard and understood without judgments, even if emotions became intense and uncomfortable. In addition, when I remain neutral, you and your partner have the chance to gain the confidence to open up and process your emotions.
My partner does not want to attend couples counseling.
Even if your spouse does not want to attend counseling sessions, you can still gain insight into your relationship by meeting with me one-on-one. I can guide you in understanding your communication patterns and teach you how to change the ways you react and respond to your partner. In fact, once your partner observes how our sessions have improved your life, they may decide to join you in working toward a positive relationship.
Are You Ready To Do All That You Can For Your Relationship?
If you and your partner are ready to build, repair or maintain a positive bond, and are willing to roll up your sleeves and begin to work, I am here to support your journey forward.
Call me at (810) 964-5400 or email me at nvcase0911 (at) outlook.com to schedule your couples or marriage counseling appointment. You can get started on the road of new discovery and positive interaction. I look forward to hearing from you.
Chronic illness can cast a painful shadow on the finer points of your love and life together. It takes patience, a plan, and support to stay close.