If you were asked right now, “How strong are the bonds in your relationship?” what would you say? If you are still struggling to come up with an answer, read on to learn more about how emotionally focused therapy, or EFT, can help.
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?
EFT is a treatment method that focuses on addressing the emotions between partners in a relationship and creating more positive emotions. This is so that each person in the relationship will be more emotionally close to each other, feel higher levels of emotional safety, and can address emotions that cause problems or stress in the relationship. EFT helps the couple improve their attachment to one another and thus increase their relationship satisfaction.
What is the Process for Emotionally Focused Therapy?
There are nine steps for couples who participate in emotionally focused therapy. They are:
1. Identify the important problems that concern the couple.
2. Identify how underlying problems and patterns make arguments or disagreements worse, especially when those important problems come up.
3. A counselor helps the couple identify negative thinking, emotions, and even fears attached to the relationship.
4. The counselor reframes these problems, negative patterns, fears, and each person’s needs to the couple.
5. Each person receives help in expressing their emotional needs.
6. Each person is guided in how to better understand, accept, and be compassionate to their partner’s needs.
7. Each person is taught how to express their emotions and needs while also better understanding how they might be contributing to conflict in the relationship.
8. The couple is coached in new forms of communication so that they can discuss these problems and come up with ways to solve them.
9. The couple practices the tools learned from their counselor and also comes up with a plan to develop new communication habits consistently in their lives.
Working Through the EFT Process
As you can see, these nine steps are not a “once-and-done” kind of therapy. It is an in-depth process that takes time. This is because it takes work for both partners to understand the underlying problems in their relationship and have the strength to face them. Additionally, courage is necessary for each partner to face these problems, be willing to accept help from the counselor, and accept making changes that foster improved communication.
What can Couples Do to Practice Emotionally Focused Therapy?
As the nine-step process indicated, couples need to be able to implement new communication tools in their daily lives outside of their meetings with the counselor. As a couple, they should make it a goal to be with each other face-to-face each day. While together, they should practice listening to each other, being attentive to what the other person has to say and being able to acknowledge their viewpoint. The counselor will be most familiar with their situation and can provide tailored guidance as to how these daily interactions should look. They would be wise, however, to remember the old saying, “Practice makes perfect!”
How can Couples Build Trust with One Another?
As mentioned above, part of emotionally focused therapy is nurturing emotional safety for each person. How can you feel close and connected to one another unless you know that you are emotionally safe? There are several ways that couples can build emotional safety with one another. For example:
• If you make a commitment follow through.
• Do something nice and unexpected for your partner, such as a card or small gift.
• Spend time together doing activities that you both enjoy. Think “date night.”
• Be willing to listen to each other.
Building a stronger relationship doesn’t have to be rocket science. Luckily though, there is a structured process that couples can use, in collaboration with a counselor, to improve the bonds of their relationship through emotionally focused therapy.
Click to learn more about Marriage Counseling and Treatment with Naomi Casement, LMSW.
