Does it seem lately that the “spark” in your sex life has disappeared? Are you and your partner having less sex than before or even none at all? It’s not unheard of for this to happen but many couples wait until it is too late to seek out solutions such as couples counseling. However, if you and your partner want to bring back your sex life, consider these ideas.
1. Spend More Time Together
It’s difficult to have a satisfying sex life with your partner if you never see each other. So much of what makes a close and loving relationship happens outside of the bedroom. That’s why it’s important that you spend more time together. For example:
• Meet for lunch.
• Take long walks together.
• Go see a movie, attend a play or a concert.
• Have a discussion together after dinner.
• Exercise together
• Hike together.
• Explore your community.
One of the crucial aspects of a satisfying relationship is that you and your partner have common experiences that are positive and affirming. These experiences create the cement that holds your relationship together.
2. Be Nice to Each Other
Seriously! You may love your partner, but when was the last time that you did something nice and thoughtful for them (or them to you)? For example:
• Bring home flowers (classic!).
• Write a kind note.
• Call or text mid-day to say HI.
• Cook a meal.
These selfless acts show that you really care about your partner and love them. It sends a message that you want your partner to be happy and your relationship to be successful.
3. Get Physical!
But just a little! If it has been awhile it’s a good idea to start off slowly by having more casual and light physical contact. For example:
• Holding hands.
• Kissing each other goodnight or goodbye.
• Giving hugs.
These moments of physical contact, although brief, can lay the foundation for the two of you to become closer and more intimate later.
4. Laugh together
Laughter is so important to a relationship. Why? Because when we laugh together we lower our walls and become more relaxed. Also, it is another opportunity to have a shared experience that brings you closer together. Plus it’s just fun to laugh!
5. Be Ready
When you and your partner decide it’s time to be intimate, be ready. Have what you need readily available, such as oils or, if you are older, medication. Also, be ready mentally so that when the time is right you can be present, open to the experience, and focused on being with your partner.
Using Couples Counseling to Bring Back Your Sex Life
If you have tried the above ideas and still are not finding that “spark” again, it may be time for professional help. A therapist who is trained in couples counseling can help you and your partner to better understand what is keeping you both from having a satisfying and connected sex life. This may be hard to talk about, but these sessions are a safe place for both of you to be honest with yourselves, and each other.
A meaningful relationship with a rich sex life involves more than what happens in the bedroom. It requires making the effort to create that emotional bond that is so necessary for you to have a satisfying relationship. If you are still having trouble talking, going to couples counseling and talking to a therapist can help remove the roadblocks that are keeping you from having a satisfying sex life.
Click to learn more about Marriage Counseling and Treatment with Naomi Casement, LMSW.
