When it comes to couples therapy there can often be resistance from at least one partner. There can be concerns about feeling judged or that it is simply a waste of time. Yet therapy can be a great relationship resource for any couple, whether they are struggling or already have a solid relationship.
A Safe Place to Vent
Sometimes we all need a place where we can just get what we are feeling off of our chests. Ideally, this should happen at home, but sometimes we need help. One way that couples therapy can be a great resource is providing a safe place to vent for both of you. In the therapists’ office, there is no judgment, only a person who is willing to listen and is open to hearing your perspective. Because this is “neutral territory” this can help you voice concerns that might be harder to discuss at home.
Spotting Trends in Your Relationship
Another relationship resource offered by couples therapy is to gain new insight into your relationship. When we are going about our daily lives both separate and together as couples, we often don’t realize certain trends or patterns occurring. For example, how we speak to each other, express gratitude (or don’t), or how we handle minor conflicts. These trends can be warning signs of much bigger problems later on down the road for the relationship.
Insight into a Relationship Resource
When your therapist spots these trends and brings them to your attention, they can provide new insight into your relationship, for both you and your partner. It can be as if the light bulb finally goes off when you realize that a behavior pattern actually has a deeper meaning. Or, you may have been missing cues that your partner is sending you that are actually really important.
Using Couples Therapy to Learn New Skills
Of course, one of the biggest relationship resources that you can gain from couples therapy is developing skills that you can apply every day as a couple. For example:
Communication skills: How each of you conveys to one another how you are feeling.
Listening Skills: Being able to receive the information from your partner in a way that lets them know that you care and understand.
Even if you both believe that you have excellent communication and listening skills, there is always room for improvement. These are skills that take a lifetime to fully master and take constant practice to refine. Remember, nobody is perfect!
Negotiating Conflict
One of the biggest assets that couples therapy can provide is being a place to negotiate a conflict. Since your therapist is a neutral party, both of you can discuss your perspectives and know that your therapist will be able to provide that third-party perspective. Your therapist though is not an arbiter or judge, so don’t try to convince them to “rule in your favor.” Rather, they can help manage the flow of the discussion, keep things on track, and allow you both to find your way to the answers you are looking for.
Still Not Convinced Therapy is a Relationship Resource?
If you are still unconvinced that couples therapy can be beneficial, take a moment to pause and ask yourself some questions. For example:
Why am I resistant to couples therapy?
Is there something that I am hesitant to share?
Am I afraid that I will be seen as the “bad guy?”
Have I heard or seen negative experiences with therapy?
Consider what is more important, the emotional health of your relationship or your potential biases?
Couples therapy is meant to be helpful, not damaging to your relationship. By participating you are taking advantage of a relationship resource that can benefit both you and your partner as well as your relationship satisfaction.
Click to learn more about Marriage Counseling and Treatment with Naomi Casement, LMSW.
