Does your partner have habits or quirks that are irritating, annoying, or in the worst case, frustrating?
It would be easy to complain to your spouse about their habits, but would that be helpful to your relationship over the long-term?
Your Partner’s Little Quirks
Your partner may have one or several quirks that annoy you.
For example:
Biting their nails
Grooming issues
Laughing at inappropriate times
Being forgetful
Not paying attention
Using sarcasm frequently
Being excessively neat
Not doing the dishes
Facial ticks
Body movements
A fear, such as spiders
An insecurity, such as one’s appearance
We could make a much longer list of quirks and habits that partners have found annoying. The reality is that every couple has traits that they find annoying about their partner.
Yet, rather than complain about them, they learn how to make the relationship work and accept each other.
Finding Understanding of Each Other
Understanding is important for any relationship. When it comes to your partner’s quirky habits you can seek to understand why they do what they do. Instead of trying to complain about what they are doing, try to go deeper in.
For example, ask yourself:
Is this a habit they have learned over the years?
Did the quirk develop to soothe an emotion, such as chewing their nails because of anxiety?
Does your partner do what they do because of a much more serious issue, such as an unresolved trauma from the past or a medical diagnosis?
If your partner seems to have a random twitch it would be a good idea to ask why. Is this just a personality quirk or is there a more serious problem, such as Tourette’s Syndrome?
Once you have a better understanding why they have the habit you can decide for yourself whether or not to accept it.
To Communicate vs. To Complain
If you do feel the need to speak up to your partner on an issue, use communication tools instead of complaining. Complaining certainly communicates to your partner that you disprove of their behavior, but it doesn’t motivate them to make any changes either.
Instead, have a sit-down discussion. Be honest with them and speak plainly, but don’t blame them. Explain why you think this is important and even suggest ideas on how they can make changes.
Why Should I Accept My Partners Quirks?
That depends on how you answer the question, “Is this a deal-breaker?”
There are many stories of someone ending a relationship because of a habit or quirk that they didn’t like. Sure there are some things that would be easy deal-breakers, such as not having adequate hygiene. However, for most people, this isn’t a problem.
Instead of looking at it as a problem, why not turn things around to see your partner’s quirks as part of their personality. That’s the same personality that you fell in love with in the first place.
What If I Can’t Accept My Partner’s Quirks?
Let’s say you have gone through the process described above and are still struggling to find acceptance. At this point, it may be time to consider couple’s therapy or marriage counseling. Why? Because this is another opportunity to understand your partner and use a positive approach rather than just complain about it.
Besides, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to give up on this relationship because of a quirk. A therapist can work with you both to not just better understand one another, but also teach you how to better communicate.
Clearly, we all have habits and quirks. They are part of what makes us individuals. Yet, if we find those quirks annoying in our partners, rather than complain about it, have an honest conversation together.
After all, successful relationships are based on communication.
Click to learn more about Marriage Counseling and Therapy with Naomi Casement, LMSW.
