When you have a chronic illness, there are so many things that either become a priority or fade into the background. Perhaps it was manageable before, but now the situation has changed. Suddenly your schedule is packed with doctor’s appointments and treatments, not date nights.
It’s understandable then to ask yourself whether your marriage can survive this chronic illness. After all, a chronic illness puts an additional load of stress on the relationship that may not have been there before.
What then, can couples do?
Here are some thoughts for both of you on how to get through this.
It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint
First, recognize that this is going to be a marathon. In many cases, you and your partner were already aware that you had a chronic illness. However, what may have been manageable in the past has now reached a new level. Or, you were just diagnosed with a chronic illness that perhaps you never recognized before. Either way, know that this is not going to be over quickly. In fact, for many, chronic illness is your lifelong new normal. Being realistic about the situation is more helpful than speculating someday this will all be over.
Hone Your Communication Skills
Next, it’s important that you both hone your communication skills when facing a chronic illness. You must be able to express your needs in a way that is assertive but also compassionate. Also, your partner needs to be able to hear those requests. If a conflict does develop, having the tools to resolve those disputes is important. That way, resentments don’t fester or built up, causing a blow up later on.
Acknowledge That There Will Be Rough Spots
Every relationship has its rough moments. However, this is especially so if you are facing a chronic illness. There is a lot of stress for both of you. For you, there’s having to deal with a medical condition that is uncomfortable in the least, and painful at worst.
With your partner, there is the stress of seeing the person they love most be in so much pain or distress. Yet, they are powerless to do anything to change your condition. Also, your partner might be taking on more tasks as a caregiver. This too causes stress that, at times, can spill over. Recognize that you both still love each other, but that chronic illness will still cause stress.
Practice Kindness Whenever You Can
Perhaps at no other point in your marriage is kindness more important than now. Your chronic illness might make it more difficult to have date nights like you used to. However, that still doesn’t mean you both can’t show kindness and tenderness to one another. Maybe you both watch your favorite TV show together. Or, they play that song you always enjoyed listening to. Even saying “I love you,” with a smile is practicing kindness. Sometimes the simplest acts are more meaningful than big displays of affection.
Seek Out Relationship Counseling During Chronic Illness
At no other point in your relationship is counseling more important than now. Physically and emotionally, there is a lot of pressure and uncertainty about the future. It helps to talk about this. Even if you know you or your partner are not the best about talking about these things, counseling can help.
Chronic illness takes a toll not just on your body. It also has a dramatic impact on your relationship too. Practicing the tips above can help with maintaining your marriage. However, if you see that your relationship is still struggling, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Talk to a therapist who specializes in relationship counseling. I am here to be a support to you. Please reach out soon for a consultation.
