Imagine someone who is admiring themselves in the mirror. Haven’t we all done that from time-to-time?
This isn’t narcissism. True narcissism is about power and control. A narcissist wants to ensure that their needs are being met, even at the expense of others. At the root of the problem is a desire to reassure themselves that they are okay, deep down inside.
However, if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you likely feel emotionally beat up by their manipulation.
If you want to disarm a narcissist, here are some ways that you can cope:
Understand Where the Behavior is Coming From
First, to disarm a narcissist, it helps to understand where the behavior comes from in the first place. To start, narcissism is considered a personality disorder. Often narcissists have struggled with relationships in other areas of their life, such as:
coworker, employer, client relationships
Family and friendships
Romantic relationships
Often narcissists display behaviors that highlight persistent self-centeredness, a lack of empathy for other people, and an inflated sense of self-esteem.
However, don’t be fooled by these traits. These are meant to put up barriers or walls to protect themselves. What are they protecting themselves from? Criticism and a frail self-image.
Separate Yourself from the Equation
Next, when encountering narcissistic behavior from someone, it helps to create a little separation for yourself.
This could be physical, especially if you are worried about your safety. But it includes emotional separation too. When a narcissist acts out towards you, they might blame you outright or more subtly insist you are the problem. However, you needn't assume you are at fault. Back away to gain perspective. The problem often actually lies with how they process information in regards to their self-esteem.
So, what you can do immediately is create some emotional distance for yourself, for the sake of mental and emotional clarity .
Disarm a Narcissist by Not Reacting
Narcissists feed on conflict. They want you to negatively react to a given situation. This helps feed their perception that you are at fault or the problem. So, what can you do? To disarm a narcissist, don’t give them that power in the first place. That means not feeding into their drama. That can be hard, but it’s an important skill. The narcissist will be powerless to burn you if you don’t add more fuel to the fire.
Set Firm Boundaries for Behavior
Set firm boundaries for behavior when coping with a narcissist in your life. These are the absolute lines that you will not tolerate them crossing. For instance, any behavior that is physically or emotionally abusive is unacceptable. You can’t have a healthy relationship if those behaviors continue.
This might mean shifting some of your thinking in order to prioritize your needs first. But isn’t that narcissistic? No! Not at all! Keep in mind that the problem with narcissism is the inability to think about the needs or concerns of anyone else. You can have empathy for a narcissist. Yet, at the same time, you can and should prioritize your own needs too.
Getting Professional Help
Professional counseling is very important when coping with a narcissist. Talking to a therapist allows you the space to be able to vent about this person. You want to have someone who understands what’s happening and will listen. Unfortunately, those are skills that a narcissistic person doesn’t have. In fact, they will feed off of that vulnerability to take advantage of you later. So, to disarm a narcissist, don’t give them that ammunition in the first place.
It’s hard coping with a narcissist in your life. What they say and do can hurt and emotionally drain you. To disarm a narcissist, try using the above strategies. However, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist for support too.
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