Asking yourself whether or not your relationship is healthy is a good thing. It’s important to occasionally reassess the relationship and how both you and your partner are doing. Hopefully, all is well!
However, even healthy relationships can still improve.
Maybe there aren't big issues. Perhaps those were settled a long time ago.
Still, there might be little things that are still creeping into the relationship. In fact, it might be that neither you nor your partner realizes that they are actively occurring.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when consider when asking “how do we know we’re a healthy couple?”
Struggling to Open Up with One Another
One area to consider is how open each of you is with one another. Most likely, this isn’t 100% equal. One partner may feel more comfortable being open with their thoughts and feelings than the other. That’s okay.
However, do watch out for these potential roadblocks to the relationship:
Stonewalling: When asked to share, your partner stonewalls or just remains silent.
Shifting blame: Instead of being accountable for their actions (Did you forget to run that errand?) your partner tries to shift blame away from themselves.
“I’m tired”: Your partner uses this as a reason for not having in-depth conversations.
Too busy: Another excuse for not opening up is that your partner says they just don’t have the time.
Stereotypically, in our society, it’s men that struggle more with opening up than women. However, that’s not always the case.
When Both Partners Can’t Be Vulnerable
Sometimes both partners have trouble being vulnerable and opening up with one another. One reason for this is that each person holds a grudge against the other. Resentment can be particularly toxic to a relationship. That’s because neither of you sees the other as being on “your side.” Instead, they become an opponent who is a problem. If you are wondering whether or not your relationship is healthy, ask yourself truthfully if you might be holding a past mistake, decision, or offense against your partner.
Making You Over in Their Image
Another issue to watch out for? The sense that your partner is trying to make you over in their image.
What does this mean? At the heart of the matter is control. Is your partner trying to control you and make you into something you’re not? For example, your partner tries to push you to love football, even though you can’t stand it. They even bought you a jersey last year and season tickets for the home team for both of you.
Now, it’s important to step back for a moment. It is helpful that partners try to take an interest in the activities of the other person. However, you should each have your own identities too. If one partner tries to push something on the other, it creates tension. If you have told your partner repeatedly to stop and they keep trying to push their perspectives, ideas, and interests on you, that could be a warning sign.
How to Determine if Your Relationship is Healthy
If you are doubting whether your relationship is healthy or not, ask for help. Talk to a relationship counselor about what’s going on. They can help you better understand the situation, and provide perspective. Also, it helps if both of you participate in therapy. This shows that both of you are invested in the relationship, and want to put it first.
There are many factors that determine relationship health. If you are concerned that your relationship isn’t where it should be, please read for more about couples counseling for further support and contact me soon for a consultation.
