When your partner cheats, it brings up a whole range of emotions in you. Anger, sadness, and the feeling of betrayal. After all,Staying after cheating by the person you trusted most brings up a whole range of emotions. Anger, sadness, and the feeling of betrayal.
How could they do this to you?
However, once those emotions settle and you’ve had a chance to process, you may feel your heart begin to soften. Eventually, you may make the decision to stay.
Yet, this is no easy circumstance. Is staying after your partner cheats the right choice?
What isn’t always talked about when a partner cheats is how the decision can also bring up lots of feelings of self-doubt and insecurity regarding your decisions.
How can you know if your desire to preserve your relationship has led you to make a choice that is somehow weak and wrong?
Making the Decision to Stay
When many of us think of someone who cheats on their partner, we imagine that the partner who was betrayed always decides to leave. However, that’s not always the case.
Often the hurt partner decides that staying the best choice. Why? The simple answer is that they may still love their partner, even after having gone through all of the pain that their partner’s actions have caused. Let’s not forget that love can be a powerful motivator for anyone, even for those who have experienced betrayal.
Does Love Make You Blind, Weak, or Wrong?
It can, depending on the circumstances. If you are in an abusive or emotionally damaging relationship, it could be harmful to you to stay after your partner cheated.
Another reason that staying after cheating could be detrimental is if you are in a codependent relationship. That is, you may feel like you can not exist without your partner. Thus, you might excuse or ignore their bad behavior, unintentionally ensuring it continues.
Furthermore, a third problem that can adversely affect you in an ongoing way is a partner's addictions, if they have one. If your partner or both of you are struggling with addiction, that will exacerbate other problems that you are experiencing in the relationship.
But What if those Issues are Not a Problem for Us?
There is still work to be done. The truth is neither of you is in a healthy relationship if cheating is occurring. You will have to ask yourself some tough questions. For example:
Do I still love my partner?
Is staying after cheating the appropriate choice?
What do I need in order to feel safe in order to continue in this relationship?
Staying after cheating can be an appropriate choice for you, your partner, your family, and your future. However, you need to make sure that you are being completely honest with yourself. Staying together takes time, effort, and commitment. The relationship work requires courage and strength. You must be willing to look hard at your relationship, ask yourself some tough questions, and rebuild the heart of your connection.
I’m Staying, What Else Should I Do?
When making the choice for staying after cheating it’s important to get the help and support you need. This isn’t about being “weak.” Actually, asking for help is quite the opposite. It isn’t easy even thinking about these things, let alone talking about them with others. However, you need to have emotional support through this difficult time. That’s why it’s important to be working closely with a therapist who not only understands these issues but supports your choice to stay.
Make Counseling a Priority
Yes, you should probably see a therapist for yourself. Also, attempting to move forward without help for both you and your partner would likely become overwhelming, so do seek out couples counseling as well.
In fact, make it an expectation of your partner. Explain that if the relationship continues, therapy needs to be part of the solution. Cheating isn’t something that you should simply “forgive and forget.” If the infidelity isn’t addressed, it is just more likely to continue damaging your relationship in the future.
The problem with cheating is that it creates self-doubt and upends your sense of who or what to trust. You'll likely ask yourself repeatedly whether staying after cheating is the right choice. That's okay and only you can answer that for yourself. Just take your time, work through your thoughts and emotions with solid support. And please know that it isn’t a sign of weakness if you choose to stay.
If you need help through this challenging season in your relationship please contact me soon for a consultation. how could they do this to you?
However, once those emotions settle and you’ve had a chance to process, you may feel your heart begin to soften. Eventually, you may make the decision to stay.
Yet, is staying after your partner cheats the right choice?
What isn’t always talked about when a partner cheats is how the decision can also bring up lots of feelings of self-doubt and insecurity regarding your decisions.
How can you know if your desire to preserve your relationship has led you to make a choice that is somehow weak and wrong?
Making the Decision to Stay
When many of us think of someone who cheats on their partner, we imagine that the partner who was betrayed always decides to leave. However, that’s not always the case.
Often the hurt partner decides that staying the best choice. Why? The simple answer is that they may still love their partner, even after having gone through all of the pain that their partner’s actions have caused. Let’s not forget that love can be a powerful motivator for anyone, even for those who have experienced betrayal.
Does Love Make You Blind, Weak, or Wrong?
It can, depending on the circumstances. If you are in an abusive or emotionally damaging relationship, it could be harmful to you to stay after your partner cheated.
Another reason that staying after cheating could be detrimental is if you are in a codependent relationship. That is, you may feel like you can not exist without your partner. Thus, you might excuse or ignore their bad behavior, unintentionally ensuring it continues.
Furthermore, a third problem that can adversely affect you in an ongoing way is a partner's addictions, if they have one. If your partner or both of you are struggling with addiction, that will exacerbate other problems that you are experiencing in the relationship.
But What if those Issues are Not a Problem for Us?
There is still work to be done. The truth is neither of you is in a healthy relationship if cheating is occurring. You will have to ask yourself some tough questions. For example:
Do I still love my partner?
Is staying after cheating the appropriate choice?
What do I need in order to feel safe in order to continue in this relationship?
Staying after cheating can be an appropriate choice for you, your partner, your family, and your future. However, you need to make sure that you are being completely honest with yourself. Staying together takes time, effort, and commitment. The relationship work requires courage and strength. You must be willing to look hard at your relationship, ask yourself some tough questions, and rebuild the heart of your connection.
I’m Staying, What Else Should I Do?
When making the choice for staying after cheating it’s important to get the help and support you need. This isn’t about being “weak.” Actually, asking for help is quite the opposite. It isn’t easy even thinking about these things, let alone talking about them with others. However, you need to have emotional support through this difficult time. That’s why it’s important to be working closely with a therapist who not only understands these issues but supports your choice to stay.
Make Counseling a Priority
Yes, you should probably see a therapist for yourself. Also, attempting to move forward without help for both you and your partner would likely become overwhelming, so do seek out couples counseling as well.
In fact, make it an expectation of your partner. Explain that if the relationship continues, therapy needs to be part of the solution. Cheating isn’t something that you should simply “forgive and forget.” If the infidelity isn’t addressed, it is just more likely to continue damaging your relationship in the future.
The problem with cheating is that it creates self-doubt and upends your sense of who or what to trust. You'll likely ask yourself repeatedly whether staying after cheating is the right choice. That's okay and only you can answer that for yourself. Just take your time, work through your thoughts and emotions with solid support. And please know that it isn’t a sign of weakness if you choose to stay.
If you need help through this challenging season in your relationship please contact me soon for a consultation.
Click to learn more about marriage counseling and treatment with Naomi Casement - LMSW.
