Learning that your partner had an affair can be devastating news. In the moment, it can seem like the world is crashing down on you. It feels impossible to recover from the pain. However, it is possible for you to obtain personal growth from this situation, and move forward with your life.
Physical Personal Growth
During a marriage crisis, it can be easy for the betrayed partner to stop everything and focus only on the infidelity. After all, it is a major event that has ramifications for both you and your partner. It is important though, to make sure you are taking care of yourself physically by:
Getting enough sleep at night
Eating healthy, nutritious foods
Exercising
Drinking plenty of water
These may sound like simple suggestions, but they can make a big difference. There is plenty of research to show that basic physical self-care such as exercising, eating right, and eating healthy foods contribute to mood. This means that when you experience a stressful situation, like infidelity, self care helps you better respond to the situation.
Emotional Personal Growth
The news of a partner’s betrayal can also bring up lots of emotional issues that need to be dealt with. For instance, you might be feeling:
Angry
Sad
Embarrassed
Hopeless
Afraid
It is important that you acknowledge these feelings and find healthy ways of coping with them. If you struggled with substance abuse in the past, a crisis such as betrayal could cause a relapse, making things worse. Therefore, it is important that you talk to someone, such as a friend or family member you can confide in.
Spiritual Personal Growth
This crisis may also cause you to ask questions such as, “Why did this have to happen to me?” It is understandable that you may be experiencing doubt. If you already have a relationship with a religious or spiritual leader or counselor, consider reaching out and seeking advice.
Being Active and Personal Growth
Another way to experience personal growth after infidelity is to get out of the house and do something. When you are active, you can combat the effects of depression and allow yourself the opportunity to do something new. Consider:
Taking a class for fun
Picking up a new hobby
Visiting friends or family
Volunteering in your community
Being active with your place of worship
Joining a club or social group
Being active helps get you out of your head and focus your attention on something besides the betrayal. If you already do these things, don’t let this crisis interfere with other enjoyable aspects of your personal life.
Personal Growth After the Marriage Ends
It may be that the differences between you and your partner may be so great that the relationship ends. If this is the case, take heart. It is possible to move forward and still experience personal growth in your life. Time and distance from the event can help. Eventually you may even feel ready to meet new people again. Don’t hold yourself back or give up! Plenty of people find love again after the heartache of betrayal.
Personal Growth Through Counseling
As part of your overall quest for personal growth, consider also seeing a therapist trained in infidelity counseling. A therapist can help you to work through what you are feeling, provide perspective, and provide a safe place to allow yourself to vent.
The betrayal of a spouse does not mean that the world is over. It does, though, represent a change for both of you. Whether you decide to stay with the marriage or allow it to dissolve, there can be an opportunity for you to gain perspective, make changes in your life for the better, and find emotional healing for yourself.
Click to learn more about Infidelity Counseling and Treatment with Naomi Casement, LMSW.
