Relationships are important for people of any age. Yet oftentimes, seniors are left out of the discussion. They may even not be considered at all when it comes to building and maintaining relationships.
Maybe you think that older adults are content and happy as things are. Or, you don’t stop to consider that older people want and crave intimacy too.
Those misperceptions are wrong on many levels.
Every human being wants and needs to belong. We want relationships with others and long to experience mental, emotional, and physical connection.
Consider the following reasons why intimacy matters later in life and how to encourage it.
The Need and Desire for Connection Never Stops
Sometimes, when we are talking about the importance of connections and forming strong relationships, the elderly are not even considered because advanced age connotes the end of passion. Usually, it’s the image of a younger couple that comes to mind when we think of desire and affection.
Perhaps, when we think of seniors, there is a belief that they have somehow “figured it out” so-to-speak. We might assume that they don’t want or need the ups and downs of a partner or relationship.
In truth, quite the opposite is often true. Age has no bearing on the need to be seen, heard, and known. It is hard-wired into our brains from cradle to grave to feel needed.
Of course, there are different kinds of relationships. Friends, family, joining groups, and clubs help to create a strong network of support. But just because you get older, doesn’t mean you don’t find others attractive or feel drawn to potential partners. These types of intimate relationships must also be considered as part of this vital social/rational network.
The Desire for Love
Another universal need that everyone shares is the desire to love and to be loved. This includes physical touch and intimacy. Many seniors have no interest in seeing the sensory part of their love relationships fade. For example, seniors often note a longing for:
Light physical touch such as handholding, hugs, etc.
Kissing and cuddling
A healthy, varied, and robust sex life
Again, these are things that are important for anyone at any age. Very likely, these are aspects of partnership many seniors have enjoyed throughout their lives. Particularly at a life stage where family planning, social pressures, careers, etc may no longer interfere with the relationships they want. So, why stop intimacy now?
Fending Off Depression
Another big concern for seniors is the risk of depression as they grow older. When seniors feel disconnected and lonely, they are more prone to becoming depressed and further isolating. As mentioned above, having a strong network of different types of relationships is important. However, intimate relationships help immensely with low mood and depression too.
Physical touch releases chemicals such as dopamine in the brain. These chemicals help people to feel better, focused, and confident. The release happens whenever pleasure is experienced. The brain links pleasure to the activity. Thus, the participant feels rewarded and looks forward to engaging in the activity again.
When seniors experience intimacy with someone they love, they feel cared about, rewarded, and inspired to continue engaging. The wash of brain chemicals helps to secure the connection further and create a deep sense of both physical and emotional satisfaction. Depression and isolation are much less likely to take hold.
Seniors and Relationships What You Can Do to Promote Intimacy
If you are an older adult, there are several things you can do to promote intimacy in your life. Consider these ideas:
Talk with your partner openly about intimacy. Be aware of their wants and needs for physical intimacy.
Discuss a reasonable middle ground for one another
Practice different types of intimacy throughout the day: handholding, hugs, are all examples of low-level physical intimacy
Enjoy a healthy sex life! If you are hesitant, talk to each other about it. Also, if you have health or medical concerns, it would be a good idea to check in with your medical provider.
For those that are not in an intimate relationship, take heart. It’s a whole new world when it comes to dating! Apps and programs specifically meant for older adults provide a place to start the dating process. If it’s been a while or you need some support, consider working with a dating coach for practical dating advice.
The need for intimacy is always important. Are you lonely or wanting more ideas for how to connecting meaningfully? I’m here to help.
Please read more about couples counseling if you are already in a relationship and have concerns about intimacy in your golden years. Or feel free to contact me for a consultation right away.
