You’ve just logged off your computer after viewing pornography.
The euphoria you just felt has now been replaced with shame and guilt. It feels awful knowing that you are betraying your partner and their trust. You wonder if perhaps you have a sexual compulsion problem. After all, even when you try to resist watching porn you eventually cave-in.
Sexual compulsion or addiction is more common than you might realize. In fact, it’s estimated that about 12 million people in the United States struggle with this issue.
By knowing the signs of sexual compulsion. you can begin to truly understand what it is, and how it’s impacting your life.
1. You Have Sex or View Pornography in Extreme Amounts
The first sign that you have a sexual compulsion problem is, quite simply, you engage in the behavior a lot. The bar for “a lot” is when your compulsion for sex overrides other things in your life. For example, ask yourself is sexual activity is
taking time away from work or study
interrupting participation in other activities you enjoy (sports, hobbies, etc.)
causing you to choose to indulge the addiction instead of being with friends or family
creating financial problems as you spend significant sums of money on pornography or sexual experiences
With sexual compulsion your whole life revolves around fulfilling the compulsion. When you are not having sex or viewing pornography, you are thinking about the next time you will. If you take a step back this is very similar to other kinds of addictions, such as drug use.
2. Feeling Shame and Guilt
Sex should be something that is affirming, loving and brings you closer emotionally to your partner. However, if you are feeling shame and guilt after having sex or watching porn, consider that another warning sign. It is likely you feel these emotions because you know, deep down inside, what you are doing isn’t positive at all. This can make you believe that you are a bad person. While you are responsible for your actions, they can also be put into the context of addiction. The behaviors and urges are very difficult to stop on your own.
3. Hiding Your Actions from Others
Another sign you have a sexual compulsion? Hiding what you’re doing from other people. For example, you lie to your partner about what you are doing online. Or, you don’t tell them that you have been out having sex with another person. Hiding your actions also has financial implications. This may include paying for sex from a prostitute, paying for online pornography services (videos, webcams, etc.), and more. Hiding these costs from your partner can put both your finances in jeopardy.
4. Participating in Unsafe Activities
Your sexual compulsion exposes you to things that threaten your physical health. An obvious example is exposure to a sexually transmitted infection (STI). Or perhaps you take extreme risks to fulfill your compulsion which then leads to criminal activity. Drug use could also be a complicating factor when it comes to sexual compulsion. These activities can not only put your health at risk but even your life as well.
5. Using Sex to Avoid Your Problems
As with many kinds of addictions, sexual addiction or compulsion is a way for you to escape your problems. When you are hyper-aroused from sex or porn, you are no longer concerned with the problems in your life. Whether they are issues at work or at home with your partner, sex is a tool you use to escape. Of course, once the experience is over those problems still remain. The sexual escape is only a temporary escape from such issues.
Having a sexual compulsion does not damage just your own life. It also negatively impacts the lives of people you care about. If you think you have a sexual compulsion problem after reading these warning signs, don’t hesitate to get the help you need. Investigate my Sex Therapy page for more information and schedule a consultation soon.
Click to learn more about sexual addiction counseling and treatment with Naomi Casement - LMSW.
