Is your spouse struggling with a sexual addiction? It is important that your partner receive the counseling and support that they need. However, it’s also critical that you get help too. Sex addiction can bring up a range of emotions and thoughts for both you and your spouse. There are ways though for you to get through this and to cope with your spouse’s sexual addiction.
Step #1: Are You Safe?
This is an important question to ask, as the revelation of a sex addiction can lead to anger, resentment, and possibly violence. There may be other addictions as well, such as alcohol or drug use. Therefore, it is critical for you and the rest of your family to be in a physically safe place. If you do not feel safe in your home, than take the kids, if you have them, and leave now. Stay with another family member, friend, or if necessary a shelter, but wherever you go make sure you are physically safe.
Step #2: Feel Your Emotions
Once you are in a safe place, allow yourself to feel your emotions. It is okay to have feelings of anger, bitterness, distrust, etc. Don’t keep those emotions bottled up inside either. Is there someone with whom you can talk to that you trust?
Step #3: Talk to a Therapist
Realizing that your spouse has a sex addiction can leave you looking for answers. A therapist who is trained in sex addiction counseling can be useful, working with you to help process your emotions and gain some understanding as to why this is happening. A therapist can also teach you tools that empower you to communicate assertively with your partner, express your feelings, and listen as well.
Step #4: Seek Out Support
There are resources out there for the spouses and partners of sex addicts. One group S-Anon, provides a 12-step framework that is meant for people who know a sex addict and have been impacted by their actions. It also provides a network of support for people who are struggling with similar issues regarding sex addiction in their relationships. In addition, your therapist may know of resources in your area or even run a support group as well.
Step #5: Continue With Your Life
When coming to grips with the fact that your spouse has a sex addiction, it can seem that your whole life gets turned upside down. It is therefore important that you continue to do the things that are important in your life and bring you joy. Also, these activities can help create another support system to help you get through this. For instance:
Get a massage.
Participate in clubs or recreational sport teams.
Spend time with friends.
Keep up with hobbies or exploring new activities.
Attend a lecture, class, or recital.
Participate in civic organizations.
Attending services, if you belong to a house of worship.
Spend time in nature, such as hiking, fishing, or camping.
Step #6: Be There for Your Children
If you have children, they may have lots of questions and have feelings that may be confusing and distressing. Be sure to be present for your children. Some ideas include:
Having them attend counseling as well to aid with processing feelings.
Ensuring they are getting to school, attending extracurricular activities, and continuing with their lives.
Asking for help from a friend or family member, if you are feeling overburdened.
When it comes to coping with a partner’s sexual addiction, it is important that you ask for help. Even though you may be embarrassed or ashamed, you don’t have to go through this experience alone. The situation may seem bleak right now, but there is hope for the future.
Click to learn more about Sex Addiction Treatment and Counseling with Naomi Casement, LMSW.
