You’ve just learned that your partner cheated; now what? There are so many emotions and feelings swirling around that they make it hard to find focus and clarity. What is the next step? What do I do now? Will I be okay? Counseling will help you find the answers you are looking for so that you can move forward.
My Partner Cheated: Why?
This is a logical question to ask, especially if this is the first you have ever heard of your partner cheating. However, the answer isn’t always clear. Nor, for that matter, is finding the answer an easy experience. The short answer is that either they (or both of you) have fallen out of love. This didn’t happen suddenly. This situation has been developing for a long time. Yet, determining the actual reasons why will take work to understand and to process.
Processing the Emotions
When you found out that your partner cheated you most likely experienced a wave of emotions. For example:
Hurt
Anger
Betrayal
Sadness
Confusion
Absorbing even one of these feelings is hard enough. However, experiencing all of them at once can feel overwhelming. You may either want to lash out in a rage, curl up in a ball, or both.
Feeling Betrayal
Of all the above emotions, the most devastating is betrayal. Both you and your partner made a commitment to honor one another. You built a life, raised a family. You trusted your partner, and now that trust is gone. When you found out your partner cheated it brought up another question. “What else has my partner been unfaithful about in our relationship?” All of a sudden, the person whom you thought “had your back” can’t be counted on. That leaves a gaping hole of vulnerability that is hard to fill.
Poor Ways of Coping
To fill that void, many people reach for whatever they can to fill it. This includes drinking or even using drugs. You want to numb the pain that your partner’s betrayal has caused. It would be great if the problem just went away and never existed. Yet, it won’t go away. It did happen. But there is a way that you can get through this.
My Partner Cheated: Now What?
Now that you know that your partner cheated it’s time to start focusing on yourself. What can you do to take care of yourself to make sure you are OK? For example:
Avoiding negative coping mechanisms like alcohol or drugs
Not letting the cheating overwhelm your life
Doing the basics: eat right, get enough sleep, and exercise
Continuing with a daily routine
You should also rely on your support system. These are the people in your life that still matter and care about you. They will be able to reinforce to you that you will be OK in the long run.
Adding Counseling to Your Support System
Part of your support system during this time should be professional counseling. A therapist who is trained and experienced in infidelity counseling can help guide you and provide clarity. Your counselor will also help you process your emotions so you can better understand what you are experiencing. That way you can express them in an appropriate manner that won’t make things worse.
When your partner cheated it triggered a chain-reaction of emotions and questions. Both of these need to be addressed. Otherwise, you will carry them with you but the baggage will only drag you down. It is important then to take care of yourself and have support from others. Among these ought to be a therapist who understands infidelity counseling. Together you can work to absorb this big change and move forward with your life.
Click to learn more about marriage counseling and treatment with Naomi Casement - LMSW.
