Has your marriage gone stale because of the distractions that life puts on all of us? Do you feel disconnected from your partner instead of becoming closer? There are ways to refresh your relationship and put the spark back into your marriage.
Step #1: Create “Us” Time
Oftentimes we stop of nourishing our relationships because of all the other things that pull us away. Including:
A demanding job that requires a lot of hours at the office.
Taking care of children.
Electronic media, including TV, phones, and computers.
All of the other little tasks, appointments, and errands that creep into our schedules.
All of this means there's not much time for “us.” We can’t avoid all of the responsibilities of life, but we can at least schedule some time to spend with our partner. This could be as little as 30 minutes a day when you and your partner can touch base and connect. Just make sure to dedicate this time strictly to your relationship and, if necessary, schedule it on your calendar.
Step #2: Think Outside the Box
Once both of you are committed to “us” time, think outside the box to better connect. This can be as simple as sitting together at the kitchen table or on the couch. Some more creative (yet simple) ideas include:
Going for a walk around the block or in a community park.
Taking a drive.
Getting out into nature on a hiking trail.
Having a picnic.
Meeting for lunch during the workweek.
Going for a jog.
These ideas help create some structure to “us” time while still maintaining the focus on both you and your partner.
Step #3: Stay Distraction-Free
During this time, your purpose is to reconnect with your partner. This means disconnecting from anything else that will draw your attention away from your partner. Scheduling time helps because you can better plan around your schedule. Also, consider turning off your cell phone! The mobile device has become one of the biggest distractions in the modern world. It’s so easy to tune-out with your phone. Show your partner that you care by shutting off your device while you're together. It will show how much you value your partner and the time you spend together.
Step #4: Learn Together
Another way to strengthen your relationship is by learning something together. If your marriage has gone stale, you can give it a boost by being open to learning together. This equalizes the relationship as both of you are approaching a topic from a beginner’s perspective. Consider these suggestions:
Attending a concert, play, or musical.
Visit a museum.
Try out a new sport.
Explore a place in your community that neither of you has been before, such as a restaurant or historical site.
Go on a vacation to a new destination.
As you have new experiences together you will create new connections that strengthen your relationship.
Step #5: Know When to Ask for Help
If you have tried all of these ideas but still feel your marriage has gone stale, consider working with a therapist who specializes in marriage counseling. Why? There may be roadblocks that neither of you even realize exist that are preventing you from moving forward as a couple. Or, there could be longstanding issues that have resulted in hurt feelings that are difficult to overcome. A therapist can help both of you better understand these problems and find solutions together.
It’s not uncommon for relationships to hit a rough patch. However, if you think your marriage has gone stale there are things that you can do about it. The key is that both of you have to be willing to try and perhaps step outside of your comfort zone.
Click to learn more about marriage counseling and treatment with Naomi Casement, LMSW.
