It can be heart-shattering when your partner discovers you look at porn too much or have sex partners outside of your relationship. Your partner feels like they cannot trust you anymore, even if you tell them these behaviors will never happen again. Being a sex addict can be challenging in a relationship if you feel like you have no control over your actions. You do not want to hurt your partner, but you also feel like you cannot stop on your own. That’s why your own treatment is imperative.
Hopefully, in time, your partner will forgive you for the things you have done. However, trust is something that takes time to build and earn. Your partner will not trust you again if you continue repeating the same behaviors.
As you embrace recovery, commit to treatment. By working through the steps to rebuild trust, you can rebuild your relationship.
Practice Honesty
If you want your partner to stop getting suspicious whenever you are alone in a room or leaving the house, it helps to stop lying. Honesty is one of the most important things in a relationship. No type of deception is worth committing as it is only a matter of time before lies are discovered or revealed through shame and guilt.
Make a vow to your partner that the lies will stop. Be transparent to ease their anxiety when you’re left alone. In the beginning, your partner may ask a lot about what you are doing. Do not be easily irritated by this as your partner still believes everything you say is a lie. If you have nothing to hide, there should be nothing wrong with revealing your activities. After a while, the questions will stop when trust is earned.
Write a Letter
If your partner is not ready to hear what you have to say, write everything down in a letter. That way, there can be no interruptions and your partner can read this letter on their own time.
Disclose everything about your sexual behaviors like if you used porn, and if you met people for sex. You do not have to give them any traumatizing details as what you are telling them will be hard enough. Mention if any of these behaviors led to negative consequences like financial problems, legal, or health issues. Express your deep regret and sadness to your partner and let them know that any questions they have, you are willing to answer.
Be Patient
If your partner is still having trouble trusting you even though you are being open about your activities, try not to be offended. Your partner does not want to relive that same betrayal. Trust will not happen overnight., but build over time. It may be a while before your partner sees that you are consistent about your treatment.
Give your partner time to grieve what they have been through and to tell you anything that is on their mind. Do not give them a timeline of when they should be "over" their negative feelings for you. Healing is a process that cannot be rushed.
Make a Counseling Appointment
It could be hard for your partner to understand that what you are going through is addiction. Addiction is a chemical imbalance in the brain that makes you crave something your body is telling you that you cannot live without.
If your partner joins you in couples counseling, you can heal together. In the meantime, show your partner that you are working to stop your behavior. Treatment can help establish the most beneficial relational tools. A personalized treatment plan can be set for you that supports building trust and release you from your sexual cravings.
Are you interested in learning more? Please read about sex addiction treatment and schedule an appointment for your first consultation.
