Your partner betrayed you.
That much you know for sure.
However, now you are hearing so many explanations, excuses, and justifications from the person you once trusted so much.
“It just happened!” just doesn’t cut it.
Yet, neither does remaining overwhelmed with emotions or feeling so disconnected from yourself and your future.
The issue now is that your partner is trying to explain away what they did.And you feel torn.
Should you forgive? Can you rationalize what happened?
You don’t know what to believe: your partner or the gut feeling that there’s more to their betrayal than they’re telling.
First, Allow Yourself to Rage
Before you do anything else, you need to acknowledge the feelings you are experiencing right now. Find a place and situation where you are comfortable letting it all out. Why is this important? Because to move forward, it’s critical that you take stock of your feelings. Otherwise, the hurt, betrayal, and range will only manifest themselves in other ways.
For what’s coming you need to have a clear head.
Next, Start at the Beginning: Your Partner
Once you have taken the space you need, it’s time to get to work. First, start with the narrative that your partner is currently telling you. Don’t just accept a one-sentence answer. Get the full story from them. Take note of any discrepancies, or things that just don’t make sense. These anomalies cause you to scratch your head. You don’t know what to believe. Are they really telling the truth? At least now you have something to work from.
Find Ways to Corroborate Their Story
Do the facts align with what they are telling you? Note that you are not a detective. If you don’t know what to believe from your partner, it’s time to find other sources. However, if you have doubts about your partner and you know that there are resources available to confirm or disprove their story, use those resources. Don’t hesitate to utilize all the tools available to you (text messages, emails, social media posts, etc.). Remember, you deserve the truth.
What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Believe
Ultimately, you do have to decide whether or not you believe what your partner is saying. Here are some things to consider:
Has your partner truthfully told you everything about the betrayal?
Did your partner break-off contact with the affair partner?
Is your partner taking steps to improve the relationship?
Has your partner gone to counseling to work on their own issues?
Or, are they continuing to act the same way they did before? If it’s the latter, then the feeling you have in your gut might be correct. What your partner needs to know is that it’s no longer “business as usual” in your relationship. Using an excuse to pass over or dodge accountability for their actions is not acceptable.
Getting Professional Help for Infidelity
On your journey of truth and introspection, it’s necessary that you have support. This includes informal support, such as family and friends, but also professional guidance as well. A qualified therapist who understands the issues surrounding infidelity and its impact can really help. Additionally, they can be a resource for resolving your feelings of doubt. Though they won’t tell you what decisions to make regarding your partner, a therapist will definitely help you gain insight and perspective.
Ultimately, if you don’t know what to believe from your partner, go with your gut. Trust yourself.
Your partner must take responsibility. They are the one who has to rebuild trust in the relationship. Thus, it’s imperative that they be truthful and honest if they want the relationship to continue. If you don’t believe they are doing that, demand that they do. If you need my professional support, please read more about couples counseling and contact me soon.
