You may be in a relationship where your partner is physically there for you, but not emotionally available. A genuine relationship, however, involves a sense of closeness and reciprocity. It’s difficult to enjoy that with someone who is emotionally unavailable.
How do you know your partner is emotionally unavailable? Your partner may:
Be bad at keeping commitments or making plans with you a priority
Tend to make excuses rather than take responsibility
Refuse to talk about their emotions
Display hot and cold behavior
Exhibit an inability or unwillingness to be vulnerable
This can make you feel alone, rejected, and depressed. It can be disappointing and heartbreaking to open up to your partner with nothing in return.
So you may be asking yourself, why am I still with my partner?
Consider these five reasons why you have not left your emotionally unavailable partner.
1. You Remember When the Relationship Was Good
Ah, memories! It can be a hard concept to keep these memories stored in a vault solely in the past. Instead, these good memories are an anchor to keep the relationship going. After all, it is only human to want to see the good in the people we love.
We want to believe that everything a partner does is for a good reason. Just because you want to work around your partner's behaviors does not mean your partner will meet you halfway.
There comes a time when you need to see the relationship for exactly what it is. Hanging on can take a toll on your mental health if you are not careful.
2. You Think About the Time and Effort You Put In
If you have been in a relationship with one person for weeks, months, or years, you do not want that time to go to waste. You might feel obligated to stay in the relationship considering all you did to make it work.
If things are not turning out as expected, you could be telling yourself to have faith that things will work out on their own. Just like a teacher would with their students, you want to believe it will all be worth it soon.
3. The Fear of Being Alone
Being with someone for a long time can strike fear inside you that there will be no one else. You may worry that this will be the best you can do.
The idea of dating again can also be a scary thought as it is not easy to find your ideal match. You right feel safer in some respects dealing with a partner who is emotionally absent instead of starting all over again with a new partner.
4. It is Easier to Stay Than to Leave
Your partner may be closing themselves off and stonewalling conversation, not wanting to talk about anything hard. Thus, it may be easier to deal with the frustration of your partner's emotional absence compared to the uncertainties and challenges of leaving the relationship.
Leaving your partner can mean having to move out, separate your things, and being financially independent. You might also have to think of custody battles if you have kids and pets. It can also get complicated when you both know each other's families and friends well. Staying in a relationship and suffering in silence may feel like a better option compared to the hardships of breaking up.
5. Neglect is All You Know
Family trauma can shape us into the person we are now. You may expect your relationship to be like your parents or guardians who have shown emotional absence. They have not shown you what love can be.
Therefore, you could be trying to rework the trauma from the past, thinking that you could change history. Maybe you’ve operated, believing you could handle things differently than your parents, only to become much like them.
Discover the Worth of the Relationship and Yourself
A relationship should be satisfying and loving for both people. Life is too short to remain with someone emotionally withdrawn because it feels "easier."
If you feel hopeless with your emotionally unavailable partner, you are not alone. Help is available to you. Find out now how couples counseling can help you and contact me soon for a consultation.
