Sex addiction and its fallout are often much bigger than you. Your behavior impacts your partner and your relationship deeply.
Yet, though the experience is painful and the process challenging, it is possible to recover and save your relationship. Consider these strategies to begin healing yourself and your partner.
1: Recover from Sex Addiction with Open Communication
One of the hardest things about sex addiction is that it creates secrets in your life and relationships. You most likely hid your sex addition from your partner. Indeed, you probably lied about what you were doing, where you were, and more. Once they were uncovered, these lies probably created a gulf of mistrust between you.
In order to recover from sex addiction as a couple, you'll need to establish and maintain open communication. Check in every day in fact. Demonstrate that you're willing to be above board. Share your struggles and concerns so that you may face them together.
2: Create Space to Connect
Sex addiction disconnects you from your other relationships. It grows, generally, in isolation. You may have found that your unhealthy habits grew out of control as you spent more and more time alone on a computer, out late, or on business trips away from your partner. Part of your mutual recovery process includes creating a safe physical and mental space together.
Routinely set time aside in a comfortable safe environment to connect. Perhaps that place is in your home. If your home is too painful or unsettling, start by meeting in the safety of a therapists office until further along in your recovery. The idea is to be somewhere where you can ensure that your attention is undivided and you are both focused on engaged conversation and bonding.
The other component is less about physical space, but just as important. Make mental space for each other. Don't avoid or dismiss each other's need for attention or closeness. Schedule time to deal with your issues but also spend time rediscovering each other as a couple. Plan out times when it is just you and your partner. Don’t allow any other distractions or double-book with another commitment.
3: Rethink the Role of Technology
It may be that technology was an enabling factor for your sex addiction in the first place. For example, chatting with other people online or downloading pornography may be particularly problematic.
To prevent technology from being a further detriment, discuss how much you want private screen viewing to be a part of your relationship. Consider and negotiate mutual parameters, accountability, and any necessary steps you need to take to protect your relationship going forward.
4: Practice Mindfulness Together
Mindfulness is used as part of recovery plans in many forms of addiction. It may also be helpful to you and your partner. Mindfulness practices assist you both in being better able to stay present or "in the moment."
You also become more attentive to both your own responses an reactions as well as each other. Mindfulness breathing exercises help you stay in control. Mindfulness meditation helps you remain self-aware and mentally clear. This is especially important as a precursor to discussing difficult topics and dealing with various realizations as you recover from the damage sex addiction has done to your connection.
5: Avoid “You Statements” and Accusation
The reality? The fallout of sex addiction creates a lot of anger and pain. As you both recover from sex addiction, it is important to both take responsibility for your actions and keep your emotions about yourself.
You may find this can be aided by avoiding the use of blanket statements as you communicate with each other.
Try to stay away from comments such as, “you always” or “you never” to help keep communication productive. Instead, consider your own emotions and feelings. Try to share how you are struggling or succeeding. This keeps recovery and emotional processing honest and accountability for your actions individual in place. Otherwise, you may find yourselves stuck in a blame cycle that creates more resentment and animosity towards one another.
6: Be Willing to Accept Help
Sex addiction carries with it a lot of baggage in our society. It can be an overwhelming burden, spilling out into other areas of your life and making messes you simply don't know how to handle together or apart. It can be so embarrassing to admit that you drag the addiction baggage along in your relationship for far too long, weighing each other down.
While it's understandable that you want to keep this as private as possible. It is also vital that you don't miss out on opportunities for therapeutic help. Talking to an experienced couples therapist is one option. So is attending a support group, if you feel comfortable doing so.
The journey toward recovery from sex addiction is not an easy one. It requires a lot of work on yourself and your relationship. Guidance and objectivity by a supportive, experienced therapist may prove invaluable.
All in all, employing these strategies and the help of a professional can help you move towards a more fulfilling relationship together. The rewards of recovery together are more than worth the work.
Click to learn more about marriage counseling and treatment with Naomi Casement - LMSW.
