When your partner betrays your trust from an affair or cheating, it can be very hard coping with the emotional aftermath.
You have so many feelings running through you: anger, sadness, bitterness, and more.
It becomes difficult to focus on the things that you need to do because you are so overwhelmed.
You might be tempted to “numb” those feelings through self-medicating (drugs, alcohol, etc.).
Or, you shut other people out of your life and withdraw inward.
It’s important to soothe with self-care to avoid such situations and to preserve your well-being during this distressing time.
Consider these ideas.
1. Take a Social Media Break
The problem with social media? It creates an unrealistic illusion. Everyone else seems to be happy and content, while you are feeling miserable after a betrayal. Yet, for every smiling face you see posted in your feed there is someone who struggles too.
However, you don’t know that, unless that person does disclose their problems (personal post, closed discussion group, etc.).
How to cope? It’s best to just take a break from social media for a while. This allows you to better focus on yourself as you soothe with self-care. It also prevents you from using social media to avoid your feelings in the first place.
2. Connect with People Who Care
Next, it helps to connect with people (not online!) whom you know care about you. These are the friends or family members you can always rely on to hear you out. That’s because when it comes to betrayal, it’s easy to second-guess yourself. You may even blame yourself for the betrayal in the first place.
Remember, it was your partner who made these choices, not you. Having someone to reassure and support you can be important as you soothe with self-care.
3. Do the Things You Love
Just because your partner betrayed your trust doesn’t mean that you stop doing what you love. In fact, now is the time that you hold onto these things even more as you soothe with self-care. These can include:
Playing sports
Creating music
Making art
Pursuing a hobby or craft
Volunteering
Doing what you love to do also helps remind you that there’s more to who you are than your relationship. Rather, you are an individual with your own activities, interests, and passions. Don’t let a betrayal take that away from you!
4. Spend Time Outdoors
There is plenty of research that notes how nature can be an important healing force in your life. Yet, you don’t have to be a dedicated camper to reap the emotional and psychological benefits of being outside. For example:
Take your lunch break outside of the office
Visit a botanical garden
Attend an outdoor concert
Tour a nature preserve or zoo
Relax at a community park
5. Take a Self-Care Mini Vacation
Sometimes it helps to get away from everything, even if it’s only for the weekend. A mini vacation allows you the space to unplug, to create distance from the pain of the betrayal, and refocus your energy. Even better, travel with a best friend so that you don’t feel alone. This could be returning to a favorite spot that you always find to be restorative. Or, be adventurous and go to a new city for a three-day weekend.
6. Read for Pleasure
Even though there is so much reading material available, it can seem like it’s very hard to have any personal reading time. Yet, reading for pleasure can be a fun temporary escape from everyday stress. One idea is to set aside thirty minutes of reading time in the evening before bed. This helps your brain to relax and get you ready for bedtime.
7. Maintain Healthy Sleep Habits
Speaking of bedtime, maintaining healthy sleep habits is also an important part of soothing with self-care. Of course, it makes sense that you might spend a number of sleepless nights as you process what happened. However, it’s also important that you not let this become a habit. Maintain a regular bedtime and do your best to get around eight hours of sleep nightly.
8. Soothe with Self-Care by Saying No
While you’re taking time to focus on yourself, also give yourself permission to say “no.”
You don’t have to attend every social engagement if you don’t want to go. Also, if possible, delegate tasks at work and home so that you are not taking on too much.
Oftentimes, people will throw themselves into work or social activities to fill the space left by the betrayal. This is because they don’t even want to think about what happened and move on. Yet, by doing so you can also wind up overburdening yourself . Instead, try to simplify your life so that you can soothe with self-care.
You are not being indulgent or even ignoring the pain of the betrayal. Rather, you are utilizing healthy coping skills that are affirming and healthy. However, if you are still struggling with betrayal, consider seeking out help from a professional therapist.
Click to learn more about Infidelity Treatment and Counseling with Naomi Casement, LMSW.
