Have you heard terms such as sexually acting out, sex addiction, or affair, but don’t understand the difference? Knowing the differences between these terms is helpful if you are trying to heal and move forward in your life.
What is an Affair?
Affairs are relationships between two people wherein one or both partners are already in an established relationship, and their partners are unaware of the affair. Some situations that can start affairs include:
It starts because one partner no longer feels loved or accepted. This causes them to reach out to another person with whom they do feel acceptance.
It starts because one partner desires excitement. Their lives have become dull and routine, causing them to lose that “spark.”
It starts because there is an intense physical attraction between one or both participants in an affair.
One other common thread when it comes to affairs is secrecy. No one wants their original partner to find out they are having an affair. Consequently, they will cover up the relationship with lies, both emotional and financial, which can cause significant damage to their original partnership.
What is Sexually Acting Out?
Sexually acting out is a term often referred to children who act sexually in ways that are worrisome and inappropriate for their age. It can also be sexual actions that hurt other people, including other children. Sexually acting out is a sign that the child is suffering from sexual abuse, either from another child or an adult. It should be taken seriously by parents or other concerned adults, as the effects can be damaging if left untreated.
What is a Sex Addiction?
Sex addiction is a disorder in which an individual compulsively engages in sex. In fact, their whole life is structured in a way so that they can fulfill the compulsion. Some characteristics of sex addition include:
Secrecy to ensure others such as partners, family members, employers, and friends do not find about the addiction.
Sacrificing time, energy, and money to fulfill the addiction.
Engaging in a pattern of behavior that gets worse over time.
Damaging both personal and professional relationships in pursuit of the addiction.
Can be limited to singular activities such as pornography or masturbation, or can escalate to behaviors that harm others. This includes rape or molestation.
If left untreated a sex addiction can destroy a life as one tries to fulfill the compulsions of the addiction.
What are the Differences?
So what are the differences between these conditions? Consider this:
Affairs: These begin because two people choose to engage in a romantic relationship outside of their original partnerships.
Sexually Acting Out: This occurs when children, through no fault of their own, have inappropriate boundaries sexually.
Sex Addiction: This is where a person needs to have to their sexual compulsion fulfilled.
Granted these are broad generalities. A married person may have a sexual addiction that they are unaware of and engage in one or more affairs, but didn’t have to deal with sexually acting out as a child. Or, a child who struggles with sexually acting out could, as an adult, develop a sexual addiction. However, sometimes the reasons why someone has an affair is confused with having a sex addiction when they are simply having an affair.
How to Get Help?
If you have been struggling with one of these problems, help is available. A trained therapist can help you to understand what’s going on. They can determine whether you are facing an affair, sexually acting out, or a sexual addiction.
Now that you understand the differences between these three conditions, you can take the next step towards finding relief. By working with a therapist you can understand why this happens so that you can live your life free of these problems.
Click to learn more about Infidelity Counseling and Treatment with Naomi Casement, LMSW.
